So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
