I wish I only lived at night.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
