I must be too annoying 4 u.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Randomize
