I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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