Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
