I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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