i can't believe i had my finger in that
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
