We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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