I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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