she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
