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• (207): View more from Maine

  I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?

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• (281): View more from Texas

  Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.

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• (707): View more from California

  nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.

  (316): View more from Kansas

  And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs

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• (985): View more from Louisiana

  I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  It would be weird sobbing cry sex.

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• (845): View more from New York

  The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.

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