During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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