i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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