I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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