why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Randomize
