I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
