but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We need to get me chipped asap
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
