god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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