Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
