my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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