YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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