No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
