please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
