strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
this just has baby written all over it
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
