she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
