Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
