There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
