You don't have asthma, your pregnant
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
