I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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