Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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