I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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