Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
