I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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