youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
