I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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