yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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