I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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