need another drink. this is the easiest way
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
