Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
