i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
