Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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