Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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