Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
