you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
