So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
