Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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