apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
