You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
