she woke up with a sticky ear
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
jump out the window naked night went bad
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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