She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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