In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
